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June 17, 2010 / lionelbean

Unleash The Hound

Really? Still?

Listen. I get it. You want to make sure you never get too far away from me. I wouldn’t want to be far away from me, either. But you have to try to understand where I’m coming from.

When you tie your sick hairless paw to my neck, I can’t hunt tree rats with any respectable amount of success, I can’t properly scavenge discarded pizza crusts, I can’t dash blindly into traffic when a glimpse of tree rat or crust enlivens my eyes… this blue bond, this unshakable rope, this taut stretch of anti-treat? It’s not keeping us together, J. It’s driving us apart.



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  1. Honey the Terrier x Shepherd / Jun 22 2010 11:26 PM

    Dude, I feel your pain. I get put in a harness when I go walking. Makes me feel like I’m in a SWAT team or something. Should be busting down doors and storming houses.

  2. lionelbean / Jun 29 2010 6:05 PM


    J and Ms. P used to put me in a harness, but check out this hot tip on how to avoid that particular piece of bindery: Get really fat.

    Like, start eating eclairs stuffed with entire buckets of Crisco shortening. Then they’ll get you a collar AND some new treats (probably low fat, but whatevs, it’s a new taste). Trust.

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