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September 25, 2008 / lionelbean

Taste My Pain

Saturday Night College Street Guys, seriously: Throw your effing chicken bones in the trash instead of dropping them on the ground like the borderline-rapist cavemen you are.

Because you KNOW I’m going to see your late-night drunk garbage on the sidewalk and think it’s an abandoned treat, and before J can rattle off a clap to scare the thing from snout, *boom*, hematoma of the mouth! Via jagged-bone-stabbing (under my tongue).

Yeah, your shoddy chicken bones punctured the floor of my mouth. I had to be sedated to get the shards out. With a needle. A long, scary, please-don’t-let-it-be-the-kind-from-the-bad-room needle. When I woke up my mouth tasted like cotton and fear.

Now it hurts to eat food, drink water, and taste carrot. At least until J hooks me up with one of those wads of peanut butter with the crunchy round thing in the centre. They make everything better.

In fact, he just gave me one a few minutes ago. And it’s starting to kick in. Whoa. Man. Peanut butter is so crazy. My paws look HUGE. And they’re so soft. Seriously. Touch my paw. Touch it.

I wonder how long my body can go?

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6 Comments

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  1. Jacquelyn / Sep 25 2008 2:22 PM

    Poor pup. I hope you feel better sooner than later.

    Also: I hate post-surgery dry mouth. You have my sympathy.

  2. lionelbean / Sep 25 2008 3:34 PM

    Thanks! The only really shitty thing is I’m not supposed to drink while on these meds, and Darby and I had plans to get cocktails tonight, so…yeah.

    *sad sad puppy eyes*

  3. Jenny Coo / Sep 26 2008 6:31 PM

    Feel better little friend!!! Oh and DO NOT read the book ” The Places in between” . That little fuzzle has a very sad bone eating end=( I am very thrilled you are getting better!

  4. Anonymous / Sep 28 2008 3:30 PM

    What the – ?! Late night chicken bone garbage is so disgusting. You should not have to deal with that, Lionel. Big hug. On another note, these peanut butter things sound very good and from your photo, seems like I should ask for one before my next hot yoga class. J?

  5. HANNAH / Sep 28 2008 3:31 PM

    I’m not anonymously stalking you. I just forgot to fill in the blanks. Love, your friend

  6. lionelbean / Sep 29 2008 7:28 AM

    Thanks, guys. I’m actually planning on injuring my mouth again soon; there were sooooo many discarded bones on the sidewalk last night!

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